So sorry for the late post, B*tches. My day has been full of surprises, not all good ones.
On Saturday, my little one was feeling sick with a fever. Just to make sure, I took her to the "minute clinic" to check for strep. Okay fine, rapid test comes back negative, one more day of fever, and she's perfectly fine. She went to school today and played with friends ALL DAY. Like literally in your face, playing Barbies, eating off of each other's plates, and being carried around by bigger kids playing. So, at 5:00 the phone rings as we're bolting out the door for her best friend's birthday party, and it's CVS telling me that, wouldn't you freaking know it, the overnight test came back positive, my kid has strep. NO FRICKING WAY! It would have been nice to know this, I don't know maybe on Sunday or even Monday, so that I didn't infect the entire mother f'n world around us??? Now I don't even know what to do first, call every single person that my child infected over the course of the day, or crush my baby's heart and let her know that she won't be going to her bff's party. I decide on the latter, if the other kids from school get sick, their parents will figure it out. So of course, my daughter is bawling hysterically and I'm like, what can I do for you, do you want to have milkshakes for dinner, anything. OMG do I feel like sh*t. Needless to say, we did have milkshakes for dinner, from Steak and Shake no less, and I, who have not put a piece of fast food in my mouth since around Thanksgiving, scarf down a hamburger, lots of those little, delicious, greasy fries, and a big fat *ss chocolate shake. Great idea on my part... Off to bed for me, but I hope you b*tches enjoy this post by RR.
I wasn't in a particularly good mood for unknown reasons this week. I have, however, been keeping up with you b*tches and had no ideas in my head. I realized then that lack of sleep and just chronic crankiness does not make for a good blogger!
So I took a small nap after the boys got on the bus this morning. As the day passed, I said to myself, "enough of this crap! If I don't stop whining in my head nothing will be funny!". Then I feel the excruciating need to poke fun of myself. So.....after ballet class for my BIT, and listening to some garble about baking, crafts and so on, I came home determined to feed my daughter, get her crayons and workout. First, I had to get a few things out of the way. I had my workout gear on so nothing could stop me. Right at that moment I realized, like you B*tches, everyday is a barrel of fricking laughs! On my way to get in front of exercise tv, I let my dogs out and realize that they have been peeing and pooping in the same spot all week since they don't like to walk in the snow. And on my deck of course! To make matters worse, one dog is following the other waiting for a poopsicle to come out. So I get my boots on and shovel the poop and pee over the railing of the deck and shovel a poopy path all the way thinking...Oh my G-d my life isn't this boring is it? I should be happy as a pig in S*hit! There are people in poverty. We have our health right? So what if the laundry isn't done or floors vacuumed? My kids are pretty happy and I'm one of the few, proud, and many not getting divorced or throwing my WH out the door. Things could be worse! Could my humdrum mood be from my life revolving around everyday things that are never changing? Well that's why they need to be funny. Like dog poop, living out of laundry baskets, not getting kids to sleep on time or getting homework done in a timely manner, potty mouths and b*tching and moaning about my child's gymnastics meet and how he SO deserved higher scores! All this stuff that bothers me everyday needs to be fricking funny or I will literally go insane! And ok, maybe I do need a job or a life outside of this, but for now b*tches, just LAUGH:)
YSYRFT? (You sure you're ready for this?)
Welcome to B*tches in the Burbs. We're not sure how you got here, but we're glad you did. We absolutely can't wait to get started, but we need to warn everyone that this blog may be offensive to you if you are not truly a b*tchy girl. B*tchy girls can be found everywhere: young, old, any race, size, religion, etc. They can be married, divorced, single, engaged, moms, college students...the list goes on and on.
If the mere mention of mom jeans, candle parties, scrapbooking, or bunco excites you, trust us, this is DEFINITLEY NOT the site for you. STOP READING now and go back to your arts n crafts.
We have many friends who enjoy these different activities, and we're not looking to make mortal enemies, although we're pretty sure we will piss people off. To that we say TOO DAMN BAD. For those of you who continue to read despite the warning and are going to be offended, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, get off now. We don't want to hear, nor do we care about your bitchy comments or complaints about what we say. We're just trying to have a little fun!
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