Run, Bitch, Run

(Key: BM= B*tchy Mom  DM=Dorky Mom BDM= B*tchy Dorky Mom)

My 2 daily running pals are THE world's nicest girls. They are not DMs, but are also not BMs. They are the kind of girls who show concern for others, they do good deeds constantly, they always say nice things. They dont talk behind backs. They are non-judgemental. They give the best advice. They dont bullsh*t. They are absolutely genuine to the core. Basically, they are the opposite of me but as the saying goes...."opposites attract", right?

Our runs consist of discussions about our kids' grades, good recipes, future marathons, and the usual tame exchange of nice words.  I find myself often belting out a BM comment and having to justify my boorish criticism after realizing who I'm with. Like the other day, when I spoke of the fat American skater at the US Championship. WTF? The Chinese girls are eating lightly along with practicing 8 hours a day. The American looks like she practices lightly and eats 8 hours a day!  As I mentioned, these women are non-judgemental, so every time I open my pie hole to bash another DM or even a BM, they politely giggle and point out her good traits like a nice girl should do. And of course, no passing judgement on yours truly. I love them! I just cant help myself when it comes to bashing other DMs and even BMs, mainly due to exactly that--their dorkiness or bitchiness!  They both have their flaws, of course! Just because I consider myself a BM, doesnt mean I think all BMs are kick*ss, right? No, they can be as annoying as the DMs!  And there are BMs who also fit the bill as DMs!! That's a tough act to follow! But those chicks are laughable, acting like they're the sh*t with their tapered Lee jeans, plaid blouse, and smart Great Clips mom-bob hairdo.   The BDM's exist, with Payless Golashes,  Lands End parkas (from Sears btw), and camel-toe jeans that  produce an orgasm with every 15 steps. Hmmmm, maybe these DBMs are onto something! 

Anyhoo, my lovely running pals never have much real bitching to do. They gladly volunteer at their kids' schools. They sit down and do homework for 2-3 hours every night with the kids. They make dinner 6 out of 7 nights a week. They RARELY swear. They clean house every Saturday. They do everything that I absolutely bitch, moan, whine, complain, deplore, grumble, and fuss about! Sure, I'll do it, but it ain't without a *itch session on our next run! 

My lovely pals will listen politely. They offer their calming advice. They bring me down to earth and help me realize I'm just being a big ol' whiny ass BM!! All without passing judgement; just pure friendship and understanding.  This IS, in fact, what I signed up for! They are so awesome that way, and for that I'm thankful. They make me realize these monotonous duties ARE the things we live for.  We could be living in poverty, in the cold trailer the next town over with plastic on the windows and a rusty ol' pedophile van out front. Or heck, in Egypt or Iraq. Or even Texas where you're likely to be a gran-maw by age 40!

So this is pretty standard for our daily running. I bitch, they listen. I back off and realize I'm so blessed, and we go back to sharing family pleasing recipes and enjoying the natural endorphins that are a runner's drug. Often times, I'm nursing a hangover, which I have to keep under wraps because they dont exactly indulge like their alcoholic BM pal here. 

TODAY, however, was a sort of "changing of the guards". There must have been something about that disabling and aggravating 22" of snow we got yesterday, because my usually cheery and even-keeled pals had some kind of bug up their butts. One  said "Holy Sh*t" right out of the box. The other called a pissy driver on our route, a "lard *ss"! I was laughing and loving it! The one was carrying on about a friend's complete lack of parenting skills. The other ranted about some BMs b*tchy remarks. A plow driver gave us barely inches on the road and splashed us with slush. My friend called him a f*cker! They were on a roll! Were they just having a bad day or had they finally morphed into true BMs?? They were so out of character, and I know today's comments will likely eat away at them and create instant guilt when they reflect on what they had said. Did I comfort them  and bring them down to earth with good advice or offer up possible excuses for others inadequacies? Hell no! I egged 'em on and dragged them down into the trenches of bitchiness! I reveled in their disdain and for the first time, kind of felt a little guilty myself. Guilty if they became crabby BMs like myself, yet a little titillated at the same time! Now we could all b*tch, b*tch, b*tch while we run, run, run!  3 BMs tearing up the town. Move the f*ck over plow drivers and lard ass b*tches on wheels! There are new BMs in town! For today anyway. ;)

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Posted By bibs to b*tches in the burbs at 2/04/2011 04:46:00 PM