What Don't You Understand?

Main Entry:	blog
Part of Speech:	n
Definition:	an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page;
Example:	Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.

Some of you don't like us...point taken. You think we're pompous, judgmental, narrow-minded, & superficial...point taken as well.  You believe that our posts are insignificant, trivial, and lack any real substance.

Virgin No More

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BIT= B*tches in Training. Learn it!

I was a virgin until last night. Yes, I'm 39+ & have two kids. They were actually with me, as was the rest of my family, including my parents & cousins who were visiting from New Jersey. No one could ever call me prude, and the 10 minutes of fun that I had was well worth it. But I was left feeling distracted, bemused, hyped, and full of questions that would most likely never be answered.

GMYS Gonna Make You Sweat

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Ahhhhh, good ol' 1987. It was June. I was a horny high school graduate soon going off college to torture myself with 4 more years of academics.

AYWT Are You Wearing a Thong?

Here's a small glimpse of my day, the last 10 minutes to be exact. I swear, every f*cking word is true, I couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried. 

WYBB Watch Your Back B*tch

Click on the picture to enlarge!

Dear Dance Teacher from H*ll,
    When my four year old daughter skipped into class 10 minutes late yesterday, you looked at her as if she were your best friend and you just found out she f*cked your prom date.

JBJ John Bon Jazzhands

Here's the thing, I'm a Bon Jovi FREAK!  I admit my obsession with Jon is a bit insane, but who could blame me?  Just look at him!

BDF Bachelor Drama-Finale or Brad's a Dumb F*ck

THE most DRAMATIC finale in the history of The Bachelor! Ahem, I told you b*tches so.

39 Forever

Hi Jor,
Every d*mn time I sit down to write I think of you. I think of how much fun you'd be having with this whole b*tchy girl thing.



I mean, besides me, who else has ever been b*tchier?

RW&D (Red Wine & Douches)

My life should be a f*cking sitcom. Seriously, if I didn't have a kick *ss sense of humor, I don't know how I'd make it through the day.

IBB (I'm Back, Baby!)

People who I want to tell to kiss my *ss, 
& exactly what I'd like to say:

SSB (Spinning Sweating B*tches)

I've belonged to the local upscale health club for 10 years. In that time I've seen people come and go. The ones who have stayed devout exercisers are usually fit, dedicated, svelte middle aged folk who are there to keep that youthful body intact, as much as gravity will allow. There are basically two categories of fitness enthusiasts who go to the gym:

OOO (Oscar, Oscar, Oscar)

Oh, what a night! How I love walking down the red carpet that extends from my foyer into my family room, wearing my custom made Dior gown, sparkling jewels, and one of a kind Jimmy Choo heels. My  smile is bright, my voice clear as I make my acceptance speech to the dozen or so stuffed animals that are entranced by my beauty, talent, and charm. Why is my family looking at me like I'm completely f*cked in the head?

ETO (Eminem Takes Over)

DM=Dorky Mom If you haven't looked at our acronym list, you should. It helps!

If any DM's overheard me yapping about my lack of parenting this week, I have no doubt they'd be outside my door, crocs and all, protesting my right to be a mother.  I'm so "proud" of  my wonderful offspring! They now have an all new vocabulary that would put Snoop Dog to shame. 

CT (Can't Think)

When TT and I were in sixth grade, our Language Arts teacher, Mrs. O, had us keep a journal in class.  We could write about whatever we wanted, even private things, we just had to make sure that we wrote for the entire time alotted.  She assured us that she wouldn't look at our "secret" pages, all we had to do was fold them over if we didn't want her to see.  Bullsh*t! As if the second we walked out the door, she didn't run for those f*ckers and search for the folded pages.  She probably found out so much sh*t about us. B*tch. She had such a stick up her *ss anyway. 

MFH (Mall From Hell)

Which part of "look in the f*cking mirror before you leave the house" is so difficult to understand? How could I have possibly known that my 20 minute trip to the mall was going to be so unbelievably disturbing?  I had to practically shield my poor little BIT's eyes to prevent severe psychological damage that would take years of therapy to correct.

BD (Bachelor Drama)

Damn, I'm so much funnier and creative when I'm drinking. I should have written this last night after 4 glasses of chardonnay and a couple bites of my lame Valentine's Day dinner at home. I was in a perfectly giddy mood for ripping on "The Bachelor".

FM (Foul Mouth)

We got us a MB (man b*tch) who will be a guest writer from time to time.  Enjoy his first post!

GGW (GrammysGone Wild) Letter to my Rock Stars

If there is any indication that rock stars and other random musicians need me in their lives, it's the Grammy's.  As I watch one of my favorite shows of the year (cuz I love freaks and music), I realize that with gobs of money you can use your "uniqueness" and turn it into something that has been beamed down from another planet!

VD (Valentine's Day, not your typical post!)

(Translations, learn 'em: DQ: drama queen, daugher 1, LB: little b*tch, daughter 2, TFB: too f'n bad)

Happy Valentine's Day, B*tches.  Love it, hate it, don't give a sh*t?  However you feel about it I hope you get to spend it with someone you love, or at least don't despise.

BOW (B*tch on Wheels)

I have a cold. I feel like sh*t. I am a crabby, pissy b*tch, and I feel truly sorry for anyone who had to have anything to do with me today.  Well, almost anyone, because there are the few, the proud, the faithful, who, even when I  hit rock bottom and am so b*tchy I can't even stand myself, continue to come back for more. Kudos to these crazy b*tches because they always end up making me laugh!